I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
