She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
