If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
please come you make the beer taste better
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
