I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
