someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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