Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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