I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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