Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
im on a boat
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