I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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