Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
