You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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