Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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