just come out here and I will go home with you...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
