Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
