Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
