You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
