dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
