sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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