The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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