Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
