I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
