she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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