I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Can you bring me the toilet please
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
