rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
