apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
