Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
