does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
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Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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