I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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