Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
