I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
