Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
