Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
