Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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