I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
