Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
