uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
