Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
