hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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