You just made me feel so damn special
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
