There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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