Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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