I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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