i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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