On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
