69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I want her autograph on my taint
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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