As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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