I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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