Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
