I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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