In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm getting married
To pizza
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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