Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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