mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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