You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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