wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I look better un-naked...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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