I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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