dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize