Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
