I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
