then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
