I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
