Umm I'm too high to move.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
