fuck your aforementioned shoe
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize