i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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