plz talk dirty to me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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