Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
