Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
