You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
