god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
