Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
