Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
