i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize