Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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