Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
