Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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