They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
