well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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