and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize