My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
BRING THE BAGELS
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