she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
